My Feeling...?!

thanks for the CNY, now my schedule is going completely chaos...the day that suppose to be going for a jogging is cancelled due to the over-comsumpted stamina and lack of sleep...the day suppose to start to packing for the trip to PD is messed by the parents' friends visiting and forced to do it in one night...now i even feeling like i dont want to sleep anymore, even i am exhausted, pissed by the baby cousins' childishness, feeling boring toward any entertaiments that i have...


after reading an article, i am seriously thinking about how to express my feelings, either it's good or unpleased...but i find out that due to enviromental factor, i am always hiding my feelings, regardless it's unconsciously or intented to...guess what is that particular factor? it's my mum...and my dad too.


my mum teached me that 'special skill' in many ways, scolding, telling with anger, telling with tears, even with a cane(when i small though...^^), whereas my dad teached me in one and only and his favorite way, capture me, wanted to chat with him in a relative forcefully way...


so with that, i can easily to lost my temper, if i want to, and everythings that seldom or never come out from my mouth can be appear from it, and i can completely close my mind, letting you having the hypothetically guessing...


and i just realised that i having 2 completely different personalities, one take place in meeting the friends, like in college or hang out with them. the other one take place in meeting with my relatives. in college, i become very talkactive, playful till naive, but when i return from college, i just want my personal dimension, without anyone disturbing me to do my works, playing games alone.


now you may ask, what if my family members meet my friends in public places such as shopping center or vacation spots? well, depends on which party that i follow at the first place, so that particular personality will take place. kinda creepy huh? even now i suspect i am having Dissociative identity disorder (DID).


based on the wikipedia, Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a condition in which a person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities (known as alter egos or alters), each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. The diagnosis requires that at least two personalities routinely take control of the individual's behavior with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness; in addition, symptoms cannot be the temporary effects of drug use or a general medical condition.

so, base on that, i am not having the DID, but if my assumption is correct, everyone must be having the same condition like me, whether it's just once a while only or daily rountine...i wish this ridiculous assumption goes wrong...here i go again, making nonsence hypothesis...

maybe i'll just clear my mind, and sleep

i want to know is there any Zen classes for free? i want to join...