My own fantasy story

simply put, i have the concept for it, but i didn't really put them in words. This mean that i just simply imagine it, especially when i daydreaming.

Right now, by waiting the process to go on, i just put them in words, just to kill the times. The plots, characters, and prologue is almost done, but i really didn't except that to write out a novel, it is not as easy as i thought. First of all, you need a plot, then characters, then the places, finally, when you complete those, you need to put them in words. This also mean that you need to have a great variety of vocabulary, or else you novel is gonna be very boring.

Well, at least i got something to do; read many novels as i can, while studying the new words, synonym etc. Then i'll try to apply the new words into my novel. Actually i can gain 2 advantages by doing that, 1st is increase my english skill, then 2nd is able to express my fantasy story. By the way, if my novel is acknowledged, some magazine or newspaper will buy it from me, then i have extra incomes...XD

So that's all for this past, continue to creating the novel...lol

Emotionless...?!

Well, my grandparents had moved into my house and stayed for 3 weeks. I am not complaining, and did not have any dissatisfaction, but i did not felt any close relationships with them, the relationship of grandparents and grandchildren. May be the interactions did not occur too much, so i just feel like they are my family, but not very close one, although they are.

My grandfather has a little deaf, so I need to speak louder, not the normal loud, the volume is almost as screaming. Then my grandfather's physiologically thinks that others have some deaf as well, so he too increase the speaking volume. So sometimes, we are look like having an argument but actually, we just having a talk that's all. So here i'll state that i am not scolding my grandfather and so as he, because normally, people will respect their elders and talk relatively soft. But that ain't happening in my house though, so don't take me like i am not respecting elders. I AM respecting them because if i talk too softly, he will thinks that i am mumbling, so don't get the wrong idea.

My grandmother doesn't have the hearing impairments, nor the the other sensory impairment, but the problem is her legs, hypertensions, and a little diabetic. One day I saw the medical report of my grandparents, basically my grandfather doesn't have much problems except the bit higher LDL choresterols, bit higher blood glucose and bit higher uric acid. All these can be controlled by diet, but my grandmother has a little problem. As stated, hypertension, diabetic and legs problem concerning her. Well, that's the old people will face. All of these can be controlled by diet, so my mum somehow complains about do not know how to prepare the dinner.

I am not too picky, but still i don't like bitter vegetables and spicy foods. But my dad is very, very very picky. This and that and this and that, so the dinner doesn't have too much variety.

But to topic, i do not have much of significant feeling toward my grandparents, so some times i ask myself, if they passed away, will i cry out?? Probably no, cold-blooded huh? Just that i din't have too much sadness until i cry. That day my sister said that she miss dad's car(the car is sent for repaint), and i think, "is that so? i don't think like that."

So that's that, i didn't feel too much of the emotions toward the things...One thing though, "Final Destination" had taught me one lesson, always follow the rules will significantly reduce the chances of incidents and accidents...XD

咒怨...

Actually I want to watch this when it is released, the 10th anniversary of Ju On, but most of my friends gave me various reasons, ranging from busy and don not want to paid and in the end, covering the ear and eyes. So, I didn't watch at that time.

Thanks to PPS, now I can watch it. This movie is divide into 2 parts, the white ghost and the black ghost. On PPS, it's separated into 2, so i watch this consecutively.

After finish, I think, well, average only. The ghosts' appearances does not scary as the Thailand films like Haunted Universities, but rather, the scene they appear is rather interesting. Just the plots. The white ghost part is very messy because it is presented like the form of puzzle, you need to pay attentions to the characters appeared and the time horizons is different from one scene to another. But in the end, the white ghost part is much more "scary" then the black ghost part.

One thing though, there are more characters appear in the white ghost part, i think around 10 or something, while the black ghost part is just 5-6 characters. But i still think that the white ghost part is better than the black ghost part. These stories does not interrelated, but the style of scarring people is still the same, quite predicable.

I never be a spoiler, but i will just do the some of the reviews and comments only, so don't ask me anything about the plots or else it'll just spoil the fun of watching...o poor nanny and that kid to dress up like that...

Am I being too hasty??

well, about the previous post, the games i mentioned, i just beat them.

Kingdom Heart: Birth by Sleep was beaten on friday, while Suikoden V was done on sunday, mean just now. Well, actually not completely, KH:BBS just partially, i exclude the side quests, extra weapons, bonus bosses that have no significant effects on the storyline. Even if i completely complete it, there's no point because i don't know what the heck is they talking about, eventually, i rather use other people save file to see the true endings. Until this point i completely understand the mystery left behind in the previous 2 releases.

As for Suikoden 5, I done it completely, with a guide of course, there are 108 recruitable characters including the hero you know. By excluding the story-line characters, there are roughly 80++ characters needed to be recruit by doing the side quests, mini games etc. Actually suppose there are 70 playing hours to complete the game as state in the guide i am using, but i done it in just 40 hours, the require time that do not do any extra quests besides the story events. So, am i god?...lol

Tell the truth, i using some cheats only, just 2 of them, quick money and skill point gain. Well the money is almost anything but the skill points are just for extra character stat. So i can finish the game at a faster pace. So it worked in the end. Now i got nothing to do already. Maybe i just play back some old game such as Suikoden 4 or something....

Time for hit the dinner, Bon Voyage....XD

No Titles.....

I didn't realize that I didn't post any new post for a long time, even this new post i can't even think a title for it. After the exams, i just diving into Suikoden 5 in PS2 and Kingdom Heart: Birth By Sleep(KH: BBS) in PSP.

Actually this PSP is in my possession, but it does not belongs to me. Instead, it's my friend's PSP and i borrow it from him just for play the KH:BBS, just want to try out the new battle system etc. I read the storyline from Wiki(wow!! SPOILER WIKI!!!!), because it's japan version, full of japanese symbol and i just roughly know what's talking about by hearing. But still, the battle system DID surprise me because i am a big fans of the previous 2 series.

Adding the command board, temporarily Drive Form, Finishing Move in early the game(unlike the KH2 which obtained in the middle progress of the game), Dimension Link which is kinda of like summon but you still controlling the character but using other attacks and move etc. And i realize one thing, apparently, the bosses are much more "stupider" then the previous series, just keep defending and actually is not quite hard.

Overall, it's still a nice game and many improvements, either on the game plays or the graphic. Still i am very surprised that why the Square-Enix doesn't release it on PC, PS2 or PS3, by considering the graphic, long storylines (3 separate characters with different style and Finishing but the storylines are roughly the same but the encounter with the bosses is different) and the CG movie etc. With hell for that....

I play PSP at daytime because i forced to stay in the shop, and play PS2 at the night time. Since there is no homeworks, reports, assignments etc(still not get used to this), i am extremely bored if i didn't find something to do. Well, badminton is good but i still need to consider my others friends since all of us study in different courses, different colleges as well.

There is one more thing though, I must hide the PSP from my sister, in order to avoid that she thinks mum brought a new PSP for me instead for her. Well, she can get jealous very easily. So 9am to 11 am is a safe time to play, but then 11am till 12.30pm is not because she is preparing to go to school. After that, the whole day is safe till dinner time. LOL

Right now, i posting the post just to kill time till my sister go for the school, so, good luck for those sitting for the exams and good luck for me too to finish the game within 2 weeks...XD

Resolutions

I am not sure about the people said about the "resolves" that they found we they feel confuse, but anyway me too also not very sure i found my resolve...

Just so happen that i prepare to sleep, and use my mp4 player to play my favorite Canon plus sound of waves to help me sleep more faster. But during the first 10 minutes of playing(the music is 15 minutes long), I can't sleep. Maybe my brain is drifted off  a little bit, but still can't sleep during these ten minutes. Then i had my dolphin to increase the total height of my pillow. Then the rest of the 5 minutes playback, I am thinking, what have i done?

Maybe i were just envied, then this feeling turn into jealous then anger. Then i asked myself, what's the point to get angry with? Maybe that's why my dad always told me that i am very short-tempered, and this characteristic even surpass his temper. Simply put like this, I am much more "shorter"- temper than my dad. So i think i can classify myself as low EQ.

The low EQ doesn't matter very much, but the problem is i want the things go in my own plan. Any flaw and I'll start to get angry. Mentally disorder, perhaps.

Right now i think i am the one who gonna be blame. But fortunately, i will no longer stay with you all anymore. so at least you all can be much more comfortable without me. And right here, right now, i would like to apologize to all of you. I am so sorry that I dare no to make apology in front of you all, because i am not that fearless that you all saw...

Obscured...

I know something is obscuring my sight, not physically, but mentally.

I don't know what to do, especially i facing a so-called crisis. I can't focus on what i really want to do. In the end, my mind become very blank. As blank as a pure white paper.

I do know what's bothering me, but i did not go and find a solution for it. Mostly is because I started to feel disappointed. At least it is looks like this.

I rather don't want to talk, or i put it in this way: I don't have any motivation, mood and will to talk. When you started to feel very disappoint toward something, you might even not to talk or have any reactions toward it.

This is my current status. I started to feel lazy to do anything except study and gaming. The communications is not in the list. I study for my future career, and i play games is to relax before and after study.

And i realized that many people really didn't pay any attentions to the surrounding. I have enough to answer any repetitive questions. I really wonder, why at that particular time that someone mentions these thing and you all didn't pay attention and take notes or memorize it. Did you all can't survive without me? Do I have so significant influence in your hearts, when it comes to unimportant things? Then when things get serious, i have no more significant influence at all?

Now I really lost every single bits of motivation already. So I rethink, why do I sooooo busybody to do that at the first place? Why don't I keep quite and reject that thing so that I will not feel so suffering at present?

I do not know whether or not I still supported by you all...really...or just it is coming to the end so you rather choose to keep silence for that.......

Haha.........

So...what a simple post title...But i can't think other title that much more suitable than that...this title is not as positive that you can think, the dots behind it is really expressing my feeling right here, right now. Quite complex huh? The word just merely express my whole feeling, the the entire title can really show what kind of feeling i am having because I am not the type that I'll confess/tell/express my feeling that easily...

Actually, what i want to emphasize is actually i feel i am kind of left out for the group. Some obstacles hardly a challenge to shaken my sky-rocketing mood, but i start to think that i can't fit in the conversations anymore...not more...

Previously, i am the one who start up the topics and conversations. People tend to gathering around me easily, at the beginning only...at the late stage, i am no longer fit in the group, like when all of us go out for a lunch, people have their talks, but not including me.

So far i can only came out 2 reasons why I being left out. First, which i think is the most reasonable and much more solid answer than the second one, my personality. I realized that when introducing to the others, and we starting to form friendship between each other, I am shy at that time, actually i am not that open-mind and willingly to express my whole personality to others. But when the time flow, my personality starting emerge one after another. So, in the end, I mostly end up alone.

The second reason, which i feel it's kinda absurd, is I am going to UK, that there is no point to get close to each other. Even i think this is very meaningless....

As long as i can see, there are no ways that i can confess myself. I have three choices, college friend, family and secondary school friend.

I directly ignore the choice of family because i do't want them worry one more thing, either is inferior or important thing, this will simply increase their burden. So, off with the family. And for friends, either from college or secondary school, I am not fond at express myself, so how do i tell them? I usually go out with my secondary school friends for movies and badminton, so what's the point to spoil all the fun? Then the friends from college, the answers that i can expect from them after i confess the feelings is, "you think too much", "没有咯，人都是酱子的咯", or the worst, ignore me and continue to other topics.

So, what to do? Throw everything to blog, let those want to see, so be it. I want to cry but the tears wouldn't drop. I want to scream but the others will comment me like i am insane. Actually I really want to confess my feeling, but there are something that inhibits me to do so, and i don't want to affect the others' moods. Someone is gonna say i think too much again.....

What do you think?

What do you think of your parents? This simple question can rise up many answers.

I know is not good to bad-mouth own parents, but parents are not saints, not gods. They are just simply human, human that lived longer than us, the teenagers. They had more experience that us, saw much more things than us, eat more salt than us...

What I want to emphasize here is, parents can make mistakes, regardless it's a big mistake or a small mistake, but it's still a mistake. What drive me insane is my parents are very opinionated and like to looking for troubles...

It's just happened yesterday, when my mother and I enter the security check point of my residential area, the security guard give me a notice. it's about the barred entry for not paid the maintenance fees to the maintenance office. After i translate the notice, my mum started to scolded me, "what the hell they are doing?! I already paid the fees till March?! Why the office said want to bar the entry?!"

First of all, it's not my fault, and i get scolded for nothing, i just do the translation part only. Secondly, she can just simply ignore the notice since she cleared the debt, this kind of letter always following by a phase, "please kindly ignore the notice if the payments is made". I thought my mother know this kind of things because it's always there from the bank statement/ installment statement/ statement of account from suppliers. I don't understand why she is so angry with that letter.

Then, this morning, when i fletched my mother to shop, when passing through the security check point, my mother asked the guard, it's the same guard that give us the notice. I stopped her with loud voice and explain the things. Then when i drive through the check point and turned a junction, my mum suddenly shout, " WHY U SPEAK LOUDLY TO ME?! I AM UR MUM AND YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THIS!! WHERE IS YOUR MANNER?! WHAT THE HELL IS THE TEACHERS TEACHING YOU THE PENDIDIKAN MORAL?!"

I give a silence reply, and she keep scolding me along the way to the shop. On the way i though,"why you always like to looking for troubles?! The guard just doing his job, that is distribute the notices under the order of the maintenance office, the easiest way to distribute it is sit at the check point, give every car the enter the residential area the notice, simple. It's not his fault to give the notice, it is just a notice after all, not forcing you to pay the money. Plus the guard do not know which house owner is in debt with the office. So what's the point to ask the guard a question that i gave the answer to her yesterday?!

So, Vexation. It's a new word i learn, it's mean that something or someone that causes anxiety; a source of unhappiness. I just use a louder voice to explain it again, then she went insane. Then when i get back to shop, she is still like this. She told my father after the dinner, then he said the same thing. So, opinionated. 自以为是 is in the chinese form. I lazy and avoid to defend myself. Otherwise they will scold me for another reason.

Actually I am kinda of boring already. My mum didn't tell the whole story. She just tell my dad I speak loudly to her in this morning. I anticipated this kind of matter will occur, just a matter of time. If they rather don't want me to talk, I can just be a Silence Man as they wish. And I started to feel that they think i am just a parasite. A parasite that eat the rice and money. And I think my disappearance will make them happy and make celebration.

So, starting from today, I'll just act like somebody that can't talk at all...so this will fit my dad's word..."sew up my mouth"