Boundaries

first of all, when i posting this, i feel like you all must feel boring about it, so just simply ignore it 'kay?!


thinks that every things have this things, the boundaries...but i am the one who didn't really realized the presence of this particular thing...so you can say i am a person that kind of blur blur one...


this is what my friend told me, he said that my eyes look very different when playing video games, especially those game that require very good respond etc, like Kingdom Hearts 2, when i fighting the bosses, the eyes looks just different.


this give me a shock, just like somebody said i am not the people that i suppose be...kinda like the interesting story plot. for me, this sound like some of the scenes in Tales Of the Abyss, that the main character, Luke is just a replica. so i trying to remember what i am thinking, doing and processing when i playing the games...


so i come out a relative stupid conclusion, i think i am drive by the instinct, the instinct of proud, the instinct of hunger of triumph, instinct of don't want to lose. kind of becoming a beast, but i am the one that "when this is what i good at, then i do not want to lose, at least i am taking you with me. if i can't win, so do you" kind of people...


maybe this where the my personality boundary cut at, one is the beast-like me, then the other is "sociable, happy-go-lucky and win or lose, doesn't matter" me, aka friendly me.


this is what my mum said to me, when i was kid,"if you put the strength in your study, like when you playing the useless video game(that time is PS1), then your result will be like genius!!!"


so for me this sound like,"if you didn't get a satisfied result, then you'll be prohibited from playing games!!!", so i just unwillingly study, just to play games...


if i am not remember wrongly, i am good at fighting games, like Street Fighters, Digimon World etc, those games require not only good responses, blinding speed finger movements, as well as strategies. so at that time my finger is just like having some injuries, very painful. then now, i am still the same case, good respond, high speed finger movement and own-plus-online-equal-to-perfect strategies.


now i think possibly i am very good at Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix + game, when it come to bosses, i feel like they are nothing, but the other thinks that "OMG!!!! this boss is insane!!!"...


when i watch those similar video on Youtube, i feel like they are stupid, using inappropriate equipments and strategies etc, you should feel lucky because i don't know how to capture high-res video...or else i'll show you what is the best ways to defeat the trash-like bosses...






back to topic, i just feel like the boundary of these personalities is started to merge, blurred and i found out my self that i can clearly feel there is a gap between my friends and i. i feel like i am not part of them anymore, not like the previous times, that i feel i am part of you, and i can understand your feelings, your thoughts and your characteristics. since the new semester commenced, i feel i am "clearly" cut from my friends....


when i am looking at them, their faces, their thoughts, feelings is not like before, i can feel it, like it's just before me. maybe the gaming and self-isolation gets me....