My Decisions in my College Life

By looking at the last post's date, i realized that i didn't post too much after all. But here comes the new post...

2 years ago, right after i attended the mass call in college hall, i were wondering, what kind of people will i meet? many people said that the friends that you made in college can cause a significant change in your life, your view and your future as well. after read this, my mind were tumble, i afraid my future will be shaken and then i will fall. after the that day, there were a briefing about the college's rules, examinations' rules and much more. right after that, comes to my first decision in my college life.

the newly assigned course representative by senior, Justin Benedict Webber, assistant course representative, Goh Tee Kim(who is the my first course mate i met) were holding a course meeting to choose group leader. at that time, i randomly choose to sit at the first row where my group members are all together. when Justin mentioned about to choose who should me the group leader, one of my current gang member, Yuuji said aloud," the first guy at the front will be the group leader."

then my heart is beating fast, at all of a sudden. i looked back, seek for the voice, i smile at him, so do him(kinda silly, since at that time we didn't know each other). at that time, i want to be a group leader, but still i am still afraid, afraid of being rejected by the others, afraid of i am a worst group leader(this is what i think now). i braced myself, step in front and "partially" voluntary to become the group leader. this is my first decision in my college life, which is significantly affecting my life after all.

so, i planned in mind, if i met someone that is having a great potential to be a group leader, i'll resign and let he/she to do it. unfortunately, my group did not have this kind of people. all i saw is having one of the potential to become a group leader.

The one with the same name that i met at least 3 people at that time has the so-called "aura" of a group leader, but the personality of difficult to contact in the time of need forced me to rethink.

I do not see any potential to become a group leader in the one who has the name changed when this member young. so i have to rethink again.

The one who once scolded me can handle many things very smoothly, especially when it's come to make a important decision. But what i afraid is this member is kinda lack in confident when come to the public speaking, so rethink again.

The one with over active personality is having the most potential to become a group leader. But when i ask this member, i were rejected immediately, saying that wants to be the strategist, rather than the leader.

The biggest brain winner can handle the things very carefully, since that this member is a Virgo. so i can entrust the title of group leader to this member. But this member rejected too, the reason is unknown.

so there's the problem, including me there are 17 people in my group but the others except the people i mentioned do not have the potentials, even there is, still is not as strong as them. so what do i do? i continued with the title of group leader. this is the second important decision that i made.

then, i were confused. at the last time, all of my group members supported me, i dont know they are unwillingly or they really support me from the hearts. i dont think all of them are really support me, maybe they just lazy to elect a new group leader. some of them said i think too much. Did i? every things i thought are just some meaningless, stupid, retard thoughts? why all of you support me at that time?! you can just simply said "oh you this inferior human being, give the title of group leader to other people already!!! you stupid retard!!", or "why dont you go to hell and rest in peace so that the group leader title can go to the others?". i really want to know what are you all thinking about, so that i can leave without any guilty feeling...

now i am starting to get very guilty, my mind are very messy. i dont think i am a good group leader after all. and this is not the first time i think like this. and after today's classes, i do really curse that why the Business Organization and Management unit do not come early at the semester 1 in first year, so that at least i can learn something from it.

Previously, i feel very boring toward the books that about the leadership, management skill etc and even consider it as junk. who would like to bother to read this kind of books except for business people such as CEO, manager. now i realize not just business people would like to read this kind of book, others can read it too. now it is useless since i gonna leave this college, with the title of group leader carrying at my shoulders. The title that i really want to drop now. This is my third decision. Will be the last one as the group leader. Then, from now on, i refuse to talk when there is unnecessarily, my fourth decision in my college life...