Haha.........

So...what a simple post title...But i can't think other title that much more suitable than that...this title is not as positive that you can think, the dots behind it is really expressing my feeling right here, right now. Quite complex huh? The word just merely express my whole feeling, the the entire title can really show what kind of feeling i am having because I am not the type that I'll confess/tell/express my feeling that easily...

Actually, what i want to emphasize is actually i feel i am kind of left out for the group. Some obstacles hardly a challenge to shaken my sky-rocketing mood, but i start to think that i can't fit in the conversations anymore...not more...

Previously, i am the one who start up the topics and conversations. People tend to gathering around me easily, at the beginning only...at the late stage, i am no longer fit in the group, like when all of us go out for a lunch, people have their talks, but not including me.

So far i can only came out 2 reasons why I being left out. First, which i think is the most reasonable and much more solid answer than the second one, my personality. I realized that when introducing to the others, and we starting to form friendship between each other, I am shy at that time, actually i am not that open-mind and willingly to express my whole personality to others. But when the time flow, my personality starting emerge one after another. So, in the end, I mostly end up alone.

The second reason, which i feel it's kinda absurd, is I am going to UK, that there is no point to get close to each other. Even i think this is very meaningless....

As long as i can see, there are no ways that i can confess myself. I have three choices, college friend, family and secondary school friend.

I directly ignore the choice of family because i do't want them worry one more thing, either is inferior or important thing, this will simply increase their burden. So, off with the family. And for friends, either from college or secondary school, I am not fond at express myself, so how do i tell them? I usually go out with my secondary school friends for movies and badminton, so what's the point to spoil all the fun? Then the friends from college, the answers that i can expect from them after i confess the feelings is, "you think too much", "没有咯，人都是酱子的咯", or the worst, ignore me and continue to other topics.

So, what to do? Throw everything to blog, let those want to see, so be it. I want to cry but the tears wouldn't drop. I want to scream but the others will comment me like i am insane. Actually I really want to confess my feeling, but there are something that inhibits me to do so, and i don't want to affect the others' moods. Someone is gonna say i think too much again.....