i just don't understand, I treat my mum as the way i treat with my friends, simply because i do not want so much ways to treating for me to remember...i rather using these brain cells to memorize other matters that's much more important and useful....
then the other day, she ask me how's the progress of the Kojadi loan, then i said, i left the contact number at home (where i am at shop), then she is like distracted or something, obviously didn't listening at all...so i just keep internet-surfing...
Then later, my dad come back from his errands, then he talked about opening an account for me when i am going to UK, then my mum asked again the same question, i answered with a louder volume, then she scold me; "i am your mum, and you talk to me like THIS??!!", i said nothing, but i think my eyes is already blazing with anger, then she shouted again, "WHAT?! ARE YOU ANGER WITH SOMETHING?!"
Then just keep shouting "if other people's mum are better, just go and be their son" , "don't take care your own matters"...things like these...
Then my dad called my sister to ask grandpa to turn back and take me home...of course, she was still shouting when i exited the shop without looking back, what was she shouted? didn't listening at all, because i was too frustrated....
I just don't understand, I am acting nice to you, but you don't appreciate it, rather you just treat me like I am a rude kid....对你好，你就乱乱骂人。对你不好，你又呱呱吵。
in the end, i am the one who gonna be blamed, regardless i was right or wrong at the first place....
I just don't understand....
Friday, June 18, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
People do CHANGE....
well, the people i mentioned are not very particular some one i know....but in fact i am that particular people...
just a very simple sample, i am not very fond of wrestling and pilot-based games like WWE and Ace Combat, but right now i like it...
WWE first, i think it's good when you are frustrated with something, and you want to let go of your rage on some one...this is a good choice because you can stomp your opponents and laugh at it while no one is really get hurt...in the latest series of WWE 2010, it can let you build your own wrestler and move sets that can let you "torture" the computer player....
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Move on to Ace Combat, i just it interesting only, that's all....but i can't play it when i am frustrated, because you will get annoyed when the target dodge/counter your attacks and so on....
I still found the WWE is much more interesting....
just a very simple sample, i am not very fond of wrestling and pilot-based games like WWE and Ace Combat, but right now i like it...
WWE first, i think it's good when you are frustrated with something, and you want to let go of your rage on some one...this is a good choice because you can stomp your opponents and laugh at it while no one is really get hurt...in the latest series of WWE 2010, it can let you build your own wrestler and move sets that can let you "torture" the computer player....
.jpg)
Move on to Ace Combat, i just it interesting only, that's all....but i can't play it when i am frustrated, because you will get annoyed when the target dodge/counter your attacks and so on....
I still found the WWE is much more interesting....
Friday, June 4, 2010
I don't want to be doesn't mean i can't be....
I just don't understand, why even my mum still don't understand COMPLETELY my personalities?
1.) I remain silence doesn't mean i don't had any comments, opinions and objections...
2.) I didn't take care the important things first doesn't mean i don't know how to allocate the priorities...
3.) I didn't planned anything doesn't mean i don't know how to plan...
4.) I keep playing the games doesn't mean i am a lazy person...
start from the 1st point:
these occurred quite often recently because i didn't go to school, so i have a lot of time to staying in the shop and helping my mum out when there is necessarily. For this, i being scolded for a lot of time...the truth is, i respect my parents, so I didn't tell them what am i really thinking, the eastern polite manner...from what i can see from the movies, especially the production of UK and US, the children always tell their heart, i envy, and jealous for them able to tell what they are reallying thinking to their parents. But this will never applied on my parents, because they are still "old-minded", keep saying that they are the "absolute right", and have much more experience than me, using the old phase: I ate more salt than you ate rice. Sometimes, I still correct them if they make mistake, but most of the time, they will scold me, no matter what kind of manner i used, anger, joke, mock, kind and everything...
Than the 2nd point:
Just the case happen everyday, since my April Exam result is released. My mum keep command me to search around the informations of loans, scholarships etc, because they can't support me fully to study abroad. And i did, within 30 minutes, and after i scanned through the documents required, i alway stopped and bookmark the website for future usage. Why i stopped? Simply I just need an "unconditional offer letter" from the University of Chester...and chain effect, i'll need my transcript and my letter of completion (the letter that prove i completed my diploma course)...this is where i stopped at my current progress to study abroad...but I don't just sit there and shaking my legs, instead i take actions to apply these documents. And i swear I putted all of my efforts for all of the time...the officers didn't do their works, so what can i do?! keep complaining them and they will just smile at you, said something like under progress...I always plan everything based on their priorities, but what the point my mum keep scolding me i don't know how to judge??!!
Move on 3rd point:
This is what i most frustrated with...i had planned everything in my mind, no matter what...settling things, journeys, gaming, handling important things and everything that's needed to be planned...and back to 1st point, i don't speak them up because i respect my parents, and prevent get scolded if they don't like the plan...i had everything in my mind, and i can judge myself i like to plan everything, if you willing to let me plan...and this is the point where i can always have an argument with my parent...they just don't tell me everything...I want to help them if they are facing some trouble, as long as they can listen my opinion...but they just said "kids don't mess up the adults' matters"...what am i?! A three years-old children?! come on, i am twenty already!! and i had the rights to share my mind, and using an old phase again, "to heads are better then one", even now it's three brains together!!! the ancestors said, the viewers are always having the clearest mind, and i completely trust with it!!! I can't be helped when it's need to be done with my parents, but my plans is always referable!!!!! and my mum just said i don't know how to plan, i just don't want to hurt your honor and feeling okay??!!
Finally, 4th point:
I played games just because i want to killing the times only, and conclude every points above, this is what i can do when there is no customers, no actions that i must taken myself....
and i just don't understand why they can't trust me?! even some of my friends said i had a god-gifted brain with such good analysis skill and planning?!
I wonder if i was a great tactician in my previous life....if had any....
1.) I remain silence doesn't mean i don't had any comments, opinions and objections...
2.) I didn't take care the important things first doesn't mean i don't know how to allocate the priorities...
3.) I didn't planned anything doesn't mean i don't know how to plan...
4.) I keep playing the games doesn't mean i am a lazy person...
start from the 1st point:
these occurred quite often recently because i didn't go to school, so i have a lot of time to staying in the shop and helping my mum out when there is necessarily. For this, i being scolded for a lot of time...the truth is, i respect my parents, so I didn't tell them what am i really thinking, the eastern polite manner...from what i can see from the movies, especially the production of UK and US, the children always tell their heart, i envy, and jealous for them able to tell what they are reallying thinking to their parents. But this will never applied on my parents, because they are still "old-minded", keep saying that they are the "absolute right", and have much more experience than me, using the old phase: I ate more salt than you ate rice. Sometimes, I still correct them if they make mistake, but most of the time, they will scold me, no matter what kind of manner i used, anger, joke, mock, kind and everything...
Than the 2nd point:
Just the case happen everyday, since my April Exam result is released. My mum keep command me to search around the informations of loans, scholarships etc, because they can't support me fully to study abroad. And i did, within 30 minutes, and after i scanned through the documents required, i alway stopped and bookmark the website for future usage. Why i stopped? Simply I just need an "unconditional offer letter" from the University of Chester...and chain effect, i'll need my transcript and my letter of completion (the letter that prove i completed my diploma course)...this is where i stopped at my current progress to study abroad...but I don't just sit there and shaking my legs, instead i take actions to apply these documents. And i swear I putted all of my efforts for all of the time...the officers didn't do their works, so what can i do?! keep complaining them and they will just smile at you, said something like under progress...I always plan everything based on their priorities, but what the point my mum keep scolding me i don't know how to judge??!!
Move on 3rd point:
This is what i most frustrated with...i had planned everything in my mind, no matter what...settling things, journeys, gaming, handling important things and everything that's needed to be planned...and back to 1st point, i don't speak them up because i respect my parents, and prevent get scolded if they don't like the plan...i had everything in my mind, and i can judge myself i like to plan everything, if you willing to let me plan...and this is the point where i can always have an argument with my parent...they just don't tell me everything...I want to help them if they are facing some trouble, as long as they can listen my opinion...but they just said "kids don't mess up the adults' matters"...what am i?! A three years-old children?! come on, i am twenty already!! and i had the rights to share my mind, and using an old phase again, "to heads are better then one", even now it's three brains together!!! the ancestors said, the viewers are always having the clearest mind, and i completely trust with it!!! I can't be helped when it's need to be done with my parents, but my plans is always referable!!!!! and my mum just said i don't know how to plan, i just don't want to hurt your honor and feeling okay??!!
Finally, 4th point:
I played games just because i want to killing the times only, and conclude every points above, this is what i can do when there is no customers, no actions that i must taken myself....
and i just don't understand why they can't trust me?! even some of my friends said i had a god-gifted brain with such good analysis skill and planning?!
I wonder if i was a great tactician in my previous life....if had any....
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
The Flaw in the Plan....
money is really a matter after all....actually, i think it's not hard to get the money for me to go study abroad, especially i can confirm i can go to UK when the starting of this year...but the low performance issue in TxR College caused endless of troubles....if and only if they can increase their performance, and i got what i want, i think i'll shaking my legs, waiting the flight date and study there....
right now, i had the possibility of can't go to UK study for this year, and what even worst is, I will end up in not getting what certificate that i want....just what kind of stupid rule that a student visa must had a certain amount of money in a bank account for more than 28 days....
right now, i feel very worried, confused, and helpless...this problem bothered me for several weeks already, and i just want to get some comforts from friends...but when i meet them, what they said are actually doing even deeper stabs into my mind...
the old slogan really mean it, "words is the most powerful weapon to cause chaos, even much more destructive than nuclear weapon, and much more serious aftermath after natural disaster"
"why are you here?"
"why you come back?"
"are you going to continue advance?"
naturally, i act like nothing and replied in an innocent, helpless manner, sometime, even joking, and mocking, but in fact, i felt my heart dropped into bottomless dark hole...these kind of questions sound like i am an alien in college, whether it's purposely or just a question popped up in the mind and asked without hesitation....
eventually, i'll forget it because i believe they just curious...so i focus my hollow mind on winning the matches of badminton...but i found it's very pointless when the partner making mistakes, and what's causing my anger, is the partner scold me back for some reason....
in the end, i giving up on that, and i hold a slightest light of hope that my posts on facebook and blog can get some comfort, comments or anything else...but after u staring the screen and keep refreshing the pages, there are no red icon appear at the top of the facebook's bar, and the value of the page loaded in my blog does not increase even one unit, not to mention the shoutmix's latest message is posted like one month ago....
i want to meet them, but i'll get rammed with questions....
i want to call them, just to having a lunch, a gym session, a badminton session etc, but i can predict the replies with absolute accuracy...which is no...
this is very reasonable prediction, since that most of them may take a glimpse, but no time to post a short comment and stay on the page for few minutes...
i started to feel like i gonna become a stranger with them already......
right now, i had the possibility of can't go to UK study for this year, and what even worst is, I will end up in not getting what certificate that i want....just what kind of stupid rule that a student visa must had a certain amount of money in a bank account for more than 28 days....
right now, i feel very worried, confused, and helpless...this problem bothered me for several weeks already, and i just want to get some comforts from friends...but when i meet them, what they said are actually doing even deeper stabs into my mind...
the old slogan really mean it, "words is the most powerful weapon to cause chaos, even much more destructive than nuclear weapon, and much more serious aftermath after natural disaster"
"why are you here?"
"why you come back?"
"are you going to continue advance?"
naturally, i act like nothing and replied in an innocent, helpless manner, sometime, even joking, and mocking, but in fact, i felt my heart dropped into bottomless dark hole...these kind of questions sound like i am an alien in college, whether it's purposely or just a question popped up in the mind and asked without hesitation....
eventually, i'll forget it because i believe they just curious...so i focus my hollow mind on winning the matches of badminton...but i found it's very pointless when the partner making mistakes, and what's causing my anger, is the partner scold me back for some reason....
in the end, i giving up on that, and i hold a slightest light of hope that my posts on facebook and blog can get some comfort, comments or anything else...but after u staring the screen and keep refreshing the pages, there are no red icon appear at the top of the facebook's bar, and the value of the page loaded in my blog does not increase even one unit, not to mention the shoutmix's latest message is posted like one month ago....
i want to meet them, but i'll get rammed with questions....
i want to call them, just to having a lunch, a gym session, a badminton session etc, but i can predict the replies with absolute accuracy...which is no...
this is very reasonable prediction, since that most of them may take a glimpse, but no time to post a short comment and stay on the page for few minutes...
i started to feel like i gonna become a stranger with them already......
Sunday, May 30, 2010
What's the point?
just nothing very significant, but it does bother me...
just two consecutive night i dream about my friends, and i felt it's very real....
about what? nothing particular, just studying....
just two consecutive night i dream about my friends, and i felt it's very real....
about what? nothing particular, just studying....
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Recent Activities
well, most of my friends continue their respectively advance diploma while i left out...kinda empty and boring because of nothing else to do but to wait the documents issued from college...
so i would take any chance to go out with friends, although most of the time is i invite them. but before i send the invitation, i and foresee the reply, so the invitation never send out. well, i understand the situation, so i rather dont bother them with somethings that not very significant...
i just completed my personal statement, and i am very frustrated from the begin and to the end...this does not suit my style...the problem i faced every time i write an essay is i dont know how to start, but once i done the first paragraph, everything would be extremely smooth, some times even i can't stop writing because the ideas is keep coming...but this time is different, i had no experience for writing a personal statement....now i understand why the tips i searched from the internet having a almost same meaning introduction..."one the most frustrated essay..", "...you would not want to do it again..."......
well, it cost me almost 2 hours to complete it with 480 words...i am not sure whether it's too much or too little...i follow standard format (12 font size and times new roman, single spacing), and it just three quarter full on a A4 paper....well anyway...tomorrow i'll go to college and get it a check from my previous teacher....
Tomorrow will be a busy day....
so i would take any chance to go out with friends, although most of the time is i invite them. but before i send the invitation, i and foresee the reply, so the invitation never send out. well, i understand the situation, so i rather dont bother them with somethings that not very significant...
i just completed my personal statement, and i am very frustrated from the begin and to the end...this does not suit my style...the problem i faced every time i write an essay is i dont know how to start, but once i done the first paragraph, everything would be extremely smooth, some times even i can't stop writing because the ideas is keep coming...but this time is different, i had no experience for writing a personal statement....now i understand why the tips i searched from the internet having a almost same meaning introduction..."one the most frustrated essay..", "...you would not want to do it again..."......
well, it cost me almost 2 hours to complete it with 480 words...i am not sure whether it's too much or too little...i follow standard format (12 font size and times new roman, single spacing), and it just three quarter full on a A4 paper....well anyway...tomorrow i'll go to college and get it a check from my previous teacher....
Tomorrow will be a busy day....
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Unofficially First Advance Diploma Day...
When I purposely enter the lecture hall late, I was pounded with questions; "eh?! i thought you said you didn't continue to advance?", "huh? why you come to college??", "aei, Xemnas a, Why you come here?!"
My reaction, of course, answered these question without rephrasing; "got three things to do, check result, apply transcript and get a sign on my reference letter."
But in my mind, i didn't tell anyone but confessed at here, "why can't i go back just paying a visit and have a lunch??" well anyway...
I arrived at college by approximately 8.50am, then i stayed at the new CITC lab, to settle several things, waiting the result to release, print out the reference letter, click Facebook, and help my mum to print out the map of route to visit their relatives (with the help of Google map). Simple enough...
Then 10.05am, a little bit late then my schedule because i gamble on the result will be release before i leave the lab, but still the officers' efficiency are disappointing me...i rushed to Miss Cheng's office, mt previous English Language tutor, to get her sign, since she is the one who do the reference letter for me...Thanks You Miss Cheng...XD
After that, I chatted with Miss Cheng a little bit, well, not a little, just less or more than 30 minutes . I was impressed by her, because i never knew she was staying at UK before. She asked me where i study, and how's the fees everything, the usual staffs. After this, she suggested how to use the remaining time at here since that i didn't find a part time job...
She suggested that i should make some friends via any channels at Chester, so that i can get some helps from them i.e getting to know to the surrounding, settle some daily life issues even can get some cheaper or free daily needs like plates, blanket and bed. Well, since i have the channel of agent, and the power of searching other people's blog online, i believe i can know some of the virtual friends within 2 weeks and gather all of the information within another 2 weeks.
Well, Miss Cheng said the whole progress is gonna to take months to complete, but i assure her that i can done it within 2 weeks to know all of the lifestyle of students in Chester, and befriend with the students there within another 2 weeks...it isn't very hard after all...^_^
I leave Miss Cheng's office on 11.05am, then i go to library to check my result. Actually, I am little disappointed because i got all B+ for all of the subjects i took...it's BM, Forensic Science and Business Management. My CGPA rosed from 3.19 to 3.22...not very satisfying...T_T
Around 11.10am, i started to feel confused, what should i do next? Then i had it in mind: go to lecture hall, have a free cold air then have a lunch with my gang. So i purposely make my self panting by running so that i have a reason of being late to enter the lecture hall. Luckily the lecturer hardly to paid any attention to me...
After the lunch, while impressed by my large fried rice already increase the price from RM3.50 to RM4 while i still paid RM3.50, bid farewell to my gang, chit chat a little bit with other friends, i went to Examination Department to apply transcript, then go to SAS office to request the letter that saying i completed Diploma level...then i when back home alone...
Continue to read Trudi Canavan's The Black Magician Trilogy Book 2: The Novice....nice story actually....
My reaction, of course, answered these question without rephrasing; "got three things to do, check result, apply transcript and get a sign on my reference letter."
But in my mind, i didn't tell anyone but confessed at here, "why can't i go back just paying a visit and have a lunch??" well anyway...
I arrived at college by approximately 8.50am, then i stayed at the new CITC lab, to settle several things, waiting the result to release, print out the reference letter, click Facebook, and help my mum to print out the map of route to visit their relatives (with the help of Google map). Simple enough...
Then 10.05am, a little bit late then my schedule because i gamble on the result will be release before i leave the lab, but still the officers' efficiency are disappointing me...i rushed to Miss Cheng's office, mt previous English Language tutor, to get her sign, since she is the one who do the reference letter for me...Thanks You Miss Cheng...XD
After that, I chatted with Miss Cheng a little bit, well, not a little, just less or more than 30 minutes . I was impressed by her, because i never knew she was staying at UK before. She asked me where i study, and how's the fees everything, the usual staffs. After this, she suggested how to use the remaining time at here since that i didn't find a part time job...
She suggested that i should make some friends via any channels at Chester, so that i can get some helps from them i.e getting to know to the surrounding, settle some daily life issues even can get some cheaper or free daily needs like plates, blanket and bed. Well, since i have the channel of agent, and the power of searching other people's blog online, i believe i can know some of the virtual friends within 2 weeks and gather all of the information within another 2 weeks.
Well, Miss Cheng said the whole progress is gonna to take months to complete, but i assure her that i can done it within 2 weeks to know all of the lifestyle of students in Chester, and befriend with the students there within another 2 weeks...it isn't very hard after all...^_^
I leave Miss Cheng's office on 11.05am, then i go to library to check my result. Actually, I am little disappointed because i got all B+ for all of the subjects i took...it's BM, Forensic Science and Business Management. My CGPA rosed from 3.19 to 3.22...not very satisfying...T_T
Around 11.10am, i started to feel confused, what should i do next? Then i had it in mind: go to lecture hall, have a free cold air then have a lunch with my gang. So i purposely make my self panting by running so that i have a reason of being late to enter the lecture hall. Luckily the lecturer hardly to paid any attention to me...
After the lunch, while impressed by my large fried rice already increase the price from RM3.50 to RM4 while i still paid RM3.50, bid farewell to my gang, chit chat a little bit with other friends, i went to Examination Department to apply transcript, then go to SAS office to request the letter that saying i completed Diploma level...then i when back home alone...
Continue to read Trudi Canavan's The Black Magician Trilogy Book 2: The Novice....nice story actually....
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